Putting Faith to the Test

As the oldest daughter in the Robinson family, I feel strongly that it is my turn to share my own story of conversion.  Though I always believed and hoped that the things that were taught in my home were true, it was during my junior and senior year in high school that I really put those beliefs and hopes to the test.

At that time, I was a shy, awkward teenager.  I did well scholastically, but not so much socially.  Many were nice to me and I had several acquaintances, but few close friends.  This fact resulted in my actually eating lunch in the classroom with my Spanish teacher and a few other social misfits during my senior year in high school.

I think my lack of social prowess and my perfectionist tendencies resulted in my focusing a lot on my school work.  Of course, as a perfectionist, I felt that something was wrong if I didn't have an "A" in every class.  Though I tried my best, I always had at least one class that caused me to not gain that perfect 4.0.  Usually, it was the easiest class in my schedule such as art or gym that kept me from obtaining my goal.

At this season of my life, there were about eight kids in the family.  My mother had my second youngest sister Audrie (number nine) when I was seventeen.  I remember my mom making regular trips to her mother's (my grandma's) home in Bountiful, Utah.  This was a thirty minute drive one way.  Sometimes my mother would stay in Bountiful for a while visiting with her mother and helping her with errands or she would bring Grandma Hazel to our home in South Jordan and do her best to keep Grandma happy while managing the house and us kids.  Later in the evening she would have to spend at least another hour taking Grandma back to Bountiful and returning back home again.  Since a few of us were rather young, I remember kids getting cranky as they traveled and trying to pacify them while my mother drove.  My mother loved my grandma, but I was witness to the stress she often felt as she tried to do her best to serve and felt like she was falling short.  My mother shared with me that she desperately wanted to have the peace that is promised in the scriptures to those who seek Him. 

At the suggestion of a friend, my mother determined that she would try a different approach to her prayers.  Instead of simply asking for the Lord to help her with her agenda, she began to ask what she could repent of, what she was prepared to learn and what the Lord wanted her to do that day and she wrote it down.  Her prayers were answered and I saw numerous miracles take place as she lay her burdens down at His feet.

One night, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed.  The honors and AP classes that I was in meant that I had a lot of homework, but not a lot of time to get it all done.  On one particular night, I remember the tears as I considered everything I thought that I needed to do, but thought that even if I stayed up all night, I would not be able to complete it all.  I pondered how my mother was able to get answers to her prayers and wondered, "If  the Lord will help her, will He do the same for me?"

I decided to find out.  I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father and asked him to forgive me and asked him for his help.  I gave my imperfect self to him.  The tears were replaced with peace.  A clear impression came to finish a simple task, but the biggest answer I received was that I should go to bed.  I did so.  The next day, things fell into place and I got clear impressions about what I should do.  I started to wonder if I had to wait until I was troubled and upset to get assistance from heaven.  I discovered that I did not.  I began starting each day with reading my scriptures and saying my prayers.  I prayed that the Lord would guide me and stopped worrying about what I thought I should do.  Instead, I asked for His Spirit to be with me and for His help in knowing what He wanted me to do. 

Miracles occurred.  The best blessing I received was joy.  I was so happy.  I learned that I didn't need to be popular, super smart or devastatingly beautiful to be happy.  I just needed Him.  The more I focused on the Lord and put Him first in my life, the better my life became.  Even when I was eating lunch with my Spanish teacher, I was happy.  When little things didn't go the way I had hoped, I was happy.  I discovered there was more to life than homework and I began to really let go and enjoy life.  I remember feeling impressions to go on walks with friends, go to the mall, watch a show on T.V. and I did so without guilt.  Often, I still did homework but it was no longer burdensome.  Instead, when I studied, my mind was clear and I remembered what I read.  I prayed for help with tests and homework and I got it. 

There were a few occurrences that stick out in my mind more than the rest.  Once, I remember having the prompting to not worry about a certain homework assignment.  I acted in faith and didn't do the assignment and did other things instead.  When I got to school the next day, the teacher informed the class that he had changed his mind about that assignment and it wasn't due that day after all.

Another time, I remembered getting to school late and missing first period.  It just so happened that report cards were handed out that day in first period class, so I went back to my first period teacher later in the day to get mine.  He remarked that he had taken note of my report card.  He said, "You got all A's and one A-."

I replied that I knew.  He said, "The A- was in my class."  I again replied that I was aware of that fact.

He went on to say that he didn't want me to have an A-.  If I would do a three page report for him, he would change my grade to an A even though the quarter had officially ended.  I did the report and he changed the grade.

The last experience I will relate took place the last day of class before Christmas break my senior year.  I had a calculus test that day.  I recall that there were work problems on the test and a total of about ten problems.  I started with number one and wasn't able to figure it out.  I went on to number two and couldn't do that one either.  I worked my way through the test and to my horror, I came to the realization that I wasn't able to finish a single problem.  It slowly dawned on me that if I didn't finish any problems that meant that I had failed the test.  It was with trepidation that I approached my teacher when time was up and I had to go on to my next class.  I asked him what I should do with my test since I hadn't finished it.  He said that I should turn it in and I would get credit for what I did do. 
 I replied, "But I didn't finish any of them."

He was silent for what seemed like an eternity.  Then he told me to throw my test away!  My heart sank.  Then he said, "Everyone will retake the test after Christmas break."

I was amazed.  Because I didn't know how to solve the problems, my teacher had every single one of his students retake that test after he retaught the concepts.  The second time I took the test, I got an A.

When the year was over, I remember the summer day when my final report card arrived.  I thought of the experiences I had that year and the peace and joy that had reigned in my heart. 
I knew that no matter what my report card looked like, I had already received more than I could have ever asked for as I had sought to turn my life over to the Savior.  However, the scripture found in Matthew 6:33 came to mind as I opened up the envelope, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  My report card was perfect.

The faith I exerted during my high school days and the results that followed became the foundation of my testimony.  I have never been able to doubt, even when subsequent, longer-lasting trials have come along, that if I place my faith and trust in God, I will be delivered and the rewards will come.  Even if I do not see the fruits of my faith until the next life, God is worthy of my trust.  I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost and His ability to impart personal revelation to me and all others who seek it.  If we seek Him, we shall find Him and be guided back to our eternal home to live with Him someday.

Jeanette Pulley