A Case for Submission



I was selected for an acting role not too long ago that I found surprisingly easy to play.  I was to be an assertive, controlling mother to an adult son.  The character even shared my same name, Victoria.  I am quite sure the ease of this role was not a complete surprise to either my children or husband.  Some of my real life roles have required more than just a little assertiveness when, as an older mom,  I investigated child abuse and  then taught Youth in Custody. When our children needed someone to advocate in their behalf, they usually asked for Mom because, as we all know, a mother bear can be the most formidable of foes.  However, submissive obedience, which seems to be on the other end of the personality spectrum, is also vital to Christian living.

 

Vicki as Victoria in "Think Outside the Blog"

 

The importance of submission and order was demonstrated in an article I read years ago about a clipper ship that broke a 140 year old sailing record.  Two men had taken a voyage from San Francisco to Boston in 69 days, 19 1/2 hours.  The clipper, Northern Light, had taken this same voyage in 1853 in 76 days and six hours.  The two men said they battled waves 18 feet high while passing Bermuda, but what would have threatened them most were disagreements that potentially could have flared up "into big problems", they said.  What prevented the latter from happening was that prior to their voyage, "there was always a clear understanding that Wilson was in command, Biewenga said."  Having a designated order in businesses, organizations and even the family helps things run well.  When it comes to things relating to the gospel of Jesus Christ, submission is not only functional, but sanctifying.  But to whom and what should we be subject to?

The Clipper Northern Light

As our children grew, in spite our fair share of sibling rivalries and temper tantrums, they increased in their capacities for obedience. My son Brett, for example, was very bright and capable of debate and argument; he was nonetheless submissive and obedient to us as parents.  He understood that he needed to be submissive, not because his parents were perfect, but because he wanted the blessings that would come from honoring his parents.

 

The importance of submission to ecclesiastical leaders was reinforced to me when our local church leaders assigned everyone to read the Book of Mormon in one month's time.  I was pretty excited about that as others could learn to love that book as much as I did.  I was the gospel doctrine teacher at the time.  For some unknown reason, I thought I didn't need to complete the assignment as I already read it daily.  As the days went by, ward members would call me up and share wonderful insights about what they were reading.  Day by day, I felt a growing uneasiness that usually signaled I was in need of significant repentance.   I simply couldn't figure out what was causing me such spiritual discomfort.  I finally prayed about this feeling.  While on my knees, another ward member called and shared yet another uplifting experience.  I finally figured it out.  I am usually quite submissive, for the same reasons my son was.  I wondered how I could read the book with so many small children, so much to do and only one week left to complete the assignment.  Just then, my toddler walked in with a tape recorder, the same one you see in Toy Story, and handed it to me.   I simply listened to the Book of Mormon using tapes and thus completed the assignment.  That uncomfortable feeling diminished.

My thoughts about wives submitting to their husbands changed a bit when my sister once tried an interesting experiment for a month.  She decided she would really treat her husband as if he were the Lord of their home.  She confessed she anticipated he would love her more because of this focus, but what surprised her was that her love for him grew as a result of her efforts.  Sadly, there are those men who believe that the Patriarchal order implies that men are more important or holy than women.  The Prophet Joseph declared:  "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.  Hence many are called and few are chosen.  No power or influence ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned, (D&C 121:39-41)."  Submission, of course, does not require we act against moral or civil law, but the importance of the  patriarchal order was reaffirmed in the Garden of Eden as the Lord commanded Eve,  ". . . thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, (Moses 4:22)."  I think there may be hidden power in this practice.  I have always liked the thoughts of Goethe:  How we see people, is how we treat them, how we treat them is what they become." 

 

The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johannwolf378590.html#u31YHwRvT8iaFw8h.99

 In in the book of Ether, as recorded in the Book of Mormon, Jared relates what happened to his family during the erection of the Tower of Babel.   It is clear that the brother of Jared is the ecclesiastical or political head of his family.  It is also clear that Jared was subject to him, but had the greater gift of prophecy.  These two brothers and their interaction show what is possible when the rules of submission are followed in faith.  Jared meekly shared his ideas and inspiration with his brother and the brother of Jared was open to his ideas and prayerfully considered them.  The result was delivery and progress.  I simply consider what is possible in a family where both husband and wife work together in this manner. 

Some of my greatest blessings have come when I submitted to the will of my husband in patience and faith in family decisions.  Some of his greatest blessings have come when he has prayerfully considered what I was feeling impressed to share.  One of those times occurred when we were short on finances.  I had earnestly prayed over our circumstance.  One night, I dreamed that we bought a new car and this helped our circumstance.  This made no sense, even to me, but I still shared this dream with Bryan.  He initially thought this could not be inspiration, but the more he thought about it, something began to click.  We ended up selling our car which was paid for.  We then paid off all of our then current debts.  We purchased a very efficient diesel Chevette which got over 50 miles to the gallon.  During that time, Bryan was compensated for mileage at work.  We actually made money each month during the length of that loan. Our greatest challenges resulted when these principles were not adhered to. 

In our lives we sometimes feel at the mercy of either those who have stewardship over us or at the mercy of those over whom we have stewardship.  We are not measured by whether others choose the paths we think are best, but rather that we gave them the best opportunities to make the best choices.  Perhaps, process trumps outcome; but as we try to more perfectly employ the process, we begin to see the power of the gospel at work.  I had a time in my life when the requests and desires to please others seemed more than I could handle.  I had a passel of children and a newly widowed mother.  She wanted my company on a daily basis, but could not handle the activity and fussiness of small children.  When I stayed home to be a good mother, I felt I was neglecting my mother and when I spent the day with her, I felt I was neglecting my  children.  I began to somewhat resent my mother's constant requests.  I looked far into my future to the time I could possibly be a widow and I thought about one of my daughters being faced with this same dilemma.  I suddenly knew the answer.  I wouldn't want her to try and please me in this thing, but rather please God.  I took this concern over balancing my service to my mother and my children and gave it to God.  I would then pray daily about my acts of service and I would get a feeling to either stay home with my children or go visit my mother.  Much of the time the answer was to go see my mother, but take my little ones with me.  Our half hour drives to and then from her home became some of our best time together as little ones slept and the older ones and I just talked together as we drove.  Shanelle recently shared that these talks when we often talked about the gospel were her sweetest memories. The kids were amazing on those days, a tender mercy.  What surprised me most was how my feelings towards my mother grew in love and tenderness.  I began to realize the promises made in the scriptures which promise that as we come unto Christ and learn of him, His yoke is easy and his burden light, (see Matthew 11:28-30).

When researching for a book we were writing, my sister happened upon a description of Sarah, wife of Abraham in a book at the library entitled the Qumran Genesis Apocryphon which also explains Pharoah's interest in her even when she was advanced in age.  We found this description fascinating and the spirit bore witness to us that these ancient Judaic traditions likely had some basis in truth.  We included this quote in our book,  ". . . how lovely were her eyes, how delectable her nose, and the whole bloom of her face. . . how lovely her breast . . .  her arms how perfect. . . how lovely her palms, and how slender each finger of her hands. . .  Of all the virgins and brides that go into the bridal chamber, none is more beautiful than she; yet with all this beauty she has great wisdom. . ."  The account went on to say that her gift of prophecy even exceeded that of Abraham's, but that in everything she reverenced her husband and called him Lord. First Peter 3:6 also records:  "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are afraid with any amazement."   Interestingly, my sister and I wrote this book in 1981 in response to some LDS women who were chaining themselves to the temple gates in outrage over the counsel of the First Presidency, who reiterated the important role of women as it related to their duties as wives and mothers.  I believe it was Sarah's righteous submission to her husband and the priesthood he held that increased her sensitivity to the spirit as Elder Russell M. Nelson explains, "Honoring the priesthood fosters respect, respect promotes reverence, and reverence invites revelation” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 49; or Ensign, May 1993, 38).  I think that kind of submission she demonstrated even made her more beautiful.  Parley P. Pratt taught that the Holy Ghost ". . . develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being” (Key to the Science of Theology, 9th ed. [1965], 101).
 

I believe the words of Samuel, the Old Testament prophet, apply both in conditions of submission to those set over us, as well as the commands of God.  "Behold, to obey is greater than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams, (1 Samuel 15:22)."  The greatest submission is found in submitting more perfectly to the will of God and involving Him in our daily decisions.  Our favorite family scripture begins with the admonition, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good. . . (Alma 37:37)."   Perhaps, in that effort, we will realize an even increased ability to love Him and those around us.  Likely there will be few men and women that actually get this submission thing right.  I think the righteously submissive are characteristically bold and tender, assertive and patient, firm and forgiving.   The power to be appropriately submissive comes from strong testimony, an abiding love of God and dependence upon the influence of the spirit.  I want to strive to be that kind of submissive.