A Case for Submission



I was selected for an acting role not too long ago that I found surprisingly easy to play.  I was to be an assertive, controlling mother to an adult son.  The character even shared my same name, Victoria.  I am quite sure the ease of this role was not a complete surprise to either my children or husband.  Some of my real life roles have required more than just a little assertiveness when, as an older mom,  I investigated child abuse and  then taught Youth in Custody. When our children needed someone to advocate in their behalf, they usually asked for Mom because, as we all know, a mother bear can be the most formidable of foes.  However, submissive obedience, which seems to be on the other end of the personality spectrum, is also vital to Christian living.

 

Vicki as Victoria in "Think Outside the Blog"

 

The importance of submission and order was demonstrated in an article I read years ago about a clipper ship that broke a 140 year old sailing record.  Two men had taken a voyage from San Francisco to Boston in 69 days, 19 1/2 hours.  The clipper, Northern Light, had taken this same voyage in 1853 in 76 days and six hours.  The two men said they battled waves 18 feet high while passing Bermuda, but what would have threatened them most were disagreements that potentially could have flared up "into big problems", they said.  What prevented the latter from happening was that prior to their voyage, "there was always a clear understanding that Wilson was in command, Biewenga said."  Having a designated order in businesses, organizations and even the family helps things run well.  When it comes to things relating to the gospel of Jesus Christ, submission is not only functional, but sanctifying.  But to whom and what should we be subject to?

The Clipper Northern Light

As our children grew, in spite our fair share of sibling rivalries and temper tantrums, they increased in their capacities for obedience. My son Brett, for example, was very bright and capable of debate and argument; he was nonetheless submissive and obedient to us as parents.  He understood that he needed to be submissive, not because his parents were perfect, but because he wanted the blessings that would come from honoring his parents.

 

The importance of submission to ecclesiastical leaders was reinforced to me when our local church leaders assigned everyone to read the Book of Mormon in one month's time.  I was pretty excited about that as others could learn to love that book as much as I did.  I was the gospel doctrine teacher at the time.  For some unknown reason, I thought I didn't need to complete the assignment as I already read it daily.  As the days went by, ward members would call me up and share wonderful insights about what they were reading.  Day by day, I felt a growing uneasiness that usually signaled I was in need of significant repentance.   I simply couldn't figure out what was causing me such spiritual discomfort.  I finally prayed about this feeling.  While on my knees, another ward member called and shared yet another uplifting experience.  I finally figured it out.  I am usually quite submissive, for the same reasons my son was.  I wondered how I could read the book with so many small children, so much to do and only one week left to complete the assignment.  Just then, my toddler walked in with a tape recorder, the same one you see in Toy Story, and handed it to me.   I simply listened to the Book of Mormon using tapes and thus completed the assignment.  That uncomfortable feeling diminished.

My thoughts about wives submitting to their husbands changed a bit when my sister once tried an interesting experiment for a month.  She decided she would really treat her husband as if he were the Lord of their home.  She confessed she anticipated he would love her more because of this focus, but what surprised her was that her love for him grew as a result of her efforts.  Sadly, there are those men who believe that the Patriarchal order implies that men are more important or holy than women.  The Prophet Joseph declared:  "We have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, as soon as they get a little authority, as they suppose, they will immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion.  Hence many are called and few are chosen.  No power or influence ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned, (D&C 121:39-41)."  Submission, of course, does not require we act against moral or civil law, but the importance of the  patriarchal order was reaffirmed in the Garden of Eden as the Lord commanded Eve,  ". . . thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee, (Moses 4:22)."  I think there may be hidden power in this practice.  I have always liked the thoughts of Goethe:  How we see people, is how we treat them, how we treat them is what they become." 

 

The way you see people is the way you treat them, and the way you treat them is what they become.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/j/johannwolf378590.html#u31YHwRvT8iaFw8h.99

 In in the book of Ether, as recorded in the Book of Mormon, Jared relates what happened to his family during the erection of the Tower of Babel.   It is clear that the brother of Jared is the ecclesiastical or political head of his family.  It is also clear that Jared was subject to him, but had the greater gift of prophecy.  These two brothers and their interaction show what is possible when the rules of submission are followed in faith.  Jared meekly shared his ideas and inspiration with his brother and the brother of Jared was open to his ideas and prayerfully considered them.  The result was delivery and progress.  I simply consider what is possible in a family where both husband and wife work together in this manner. 

Some of my greatest blessings have come when I submitted to the will of my husband in patience and faith in family decisions.  Some of his greatest blessings have come when he has prayerfully considered what I was feeling impressed to share.  One of those times occurred when we were short on finances.  I had earnestly prayed over our circumstance.  One night, I dreamed that we bought a new car and this helped our circumstance.  This made no sense, even to me, but I still shared this dream with Bryan.  He initially thought this could not be inspiration, but the more he thought about it, something began to click.  We ended up selling our car which was paid for.  We then paid off all of our then current debts.  We purchased a very efficient diesel Chevette which got over 50 miles to the gallon.  During that time, Bryan was compensated for mileage at work.  We actually made money each month during the length of that loan. Our greatest challenges resulted when these principles were not adhered to. 

In our lives we sometimes feel at the mercy of either those who have stewardship over us or at the mercy of those over whom we have stewardship.  We are not measured by whether others choose the paths we think are best, but rather that we gave them the best opportunities to make the best choices.  Perhaps, process trumps outcome; but as we try to more perfectly employ the process, we begin to see the power of the gospel at work.  I had a time in my life when the requests and desires to please others seemed more than I could handle.  I had a passel of children and a newly widowed mother.  She wanted my company on a daily basis, but could not handle the activity and fussiness of small children.  When I stayed home to be a good mother, I felt I was neglecting my mother and when I spent the day with her, I felt I was neglecting my  children.  I began to somewhat resent my mother's constant requests.  I looked far into my future to the time I could possibly be a widow and I thought about one of my daughters being faced with this same dilemma.  I suddenly knew the answer.  I wouldn't want her to try and please me in this thing, but rather please God.  I took this concern over balancing my service to my mother and my children and gave it to God.  I would then pray daily about my acts of service and I would get a feeling to either stay home with my children or go visit my mother.  Much of the time the answer was to go see my mother, but take my little ones with me.  Our half hour drives to and then from her home became some of our best time together as little ones slept and the older ones and I just talked together as we drove.  Shanelle recently shared that these talks when we often talked about the gospel were her sweetest memories. The kids were amazing on those days, a tender mercy.  What surprised me most was how my feelings towards my mother grew in love and tenderness.  I began to realize the promises made in the scriptures which promise that as we come unto Christ and learn of him, His yoke is easy and his burden light, (see Matthew 11:28-30).

When researching for a book we were writing, my sister happened upon a description of Sarah, wife of Abraham in a book at the library entitled the Qumran Genesis Apocryphon which also explains Pharoah's interest in her even when she was advanced in age.  We found this description fascinating and the spirit bore witness to us that these ancient Judaic traditions likely had some basis in truth.  We included this quote in our book,  ". . . how lovely were her eyes, how delectable her nose, and the whole bloom of her face. . . how lovely her breast . . .  her arms how perfect. . . how lovely her palms, and how slender each finger of her hands. . .  Of all the virgins and brides that go into the bridal chamber, none is more beautiful than she; yet with all this beauty she has great wisdom. . ."  The account went on to say that her gift of prophecy even exceeded that of Abraham's, but that in everything she reverenced her husband and called him Lord. First Peter 3:6 also records:  "Even as Sara obeyed Abraham calling him lord; whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are afraid with any amazement."   Interestingly, my sister and I wrote this book in 1981 in response to some LDS women who were chaining themselves to the temple gates in outrage over the counsel of the First Presidency, who reiterated the important role of women as it related to their duties as wives and mothers.  I believe it was Sarah's righteous submission to her husband and the priesthood he held that increased her sensitivity to the spirit as Elder Russell M. Nelson explains, "Honoring the priesthood fosters respect, respect promotes reverence, and reverence invites revelation” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1993, 49; or Ensign, May 1993, 38).  I think that kind of submission she demonstrated even made her more beautiful.  Parley P. Pratt taught that the Holy Ghost ". . . develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being” (Key to the Science of Theology, 9th ed. [1965], 101).
 

I believe the words of Samuel, the Old Testament prophet, apply both in conditions of submission to those set over us, as well as the commands of God.  "Behold, to obey is greater than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams, (1 Samuel 15:22)."  The greatest submission is found in submitting more perfectly to the will of God and involving Him in our daily decisions.  Our favorite family scripture begins with the admonition, "Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings and he will direct thee for good. . . (Alma 37:37)."   Perhaps, in that effort, we will realize an even increased ability to love Him and those around us.  Likely there will be few men and women that actually get this submission thing right.  I think the righteously submissive are characteristically bold and tender, assertive and patient, firm and forgiving.   The power to be appropriately submissive comes from strong testimony, an abiding love of God and dependence upon the influence of the spirit.  I want to strive to be that kind of submissive. 

 

The Story of How Our Little Family Came to Be...and Our Journey to What We May Become

I am the fourth of ten children born to Bryan and Vicki Robinson.  As one of the older half, I was able to witness 5 younger siblings being brought into our family.  The only birth I don’t remember is Rochelle’s because she is less than two years younger than I am, and I was too young to remember my life before she was a part of it.  Growing up, nothing was more exciting to me than knowing my mom was expecting another baby.  It would often be my first happy thought upon waking each morning.  I just loved babies!  My love for children and babies would continue throughout high school, and as a senior, I was unsurprisingly voted, “Most Likely to Have 20 Kids.”

I met my husband for the first time when I was 18.  Two years later, he finally asked me out.  The next year, on my 21^st half birthday, I married him in the Mount Timpanogus Temple in 2004.  In December 2005, our first little bundle of joy arrived.  Our second bundle of joy arrived 18 months later, our third 21 months after that, and our fourth 26 months after that.  Today, I am 23 weeks pregnant, expecting our fifth child and fourth boy in July.  Motherhood is blissful.  I tell people all the time that I have my dream job.  I am a WIFE and a MOTHER.  

While my life is beautiful, and I have been incredibly blessed, it isn’t always easy.  Marriage takes a lot of work.  Raising children is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  The scene in our home, at times, hasn’t been very pretty.  I have realized that I am imperfect in more ways than I thought possible.   At times, I’ve questioned who in the world gave me permission to have this family when I feel so inadequate in being the wife and mother they need me to be.  And that’s when I realize, that’s the whole point.  We don’t have families because we ARE everything we are supposed to be.  We have families because they help us BECOME everything we are meant to become.   That is why we believe that FAMILIES are central to the PLAN OF SALVATION.    See  "The Family: A Proclamation to the World".

Being a wife and mother has helped me grow, stretch, and change in ways I didn’t even know were necessary.  When I was single, I thought I was a good person.  I didn’t know marriage would teach me how much selfishness I had to overcome, nor did I know that it would take parenthood to teach me patience and compassion like nothing else had.  In the very act of mimicking our Heavenly Parents, I become more like them.  I have come to understand that this family of mine is my “trial run” for the eternities.  We believe that if we reach our fullest potential, we not only get to live with our Heavenly Parents again, but we get to be like them and have spirit children or our own for eternity.  That thought has always been so exciting to me!

My parents taught me about my divine potential from such a young age that when I first read “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” when it was published in 1995, all of it seemed so basic to me that I wondered why the leaders of our church felt the need to put those statements in writing in such a formal manner.  Now, as world views change and I can see the generally accepted definitions of family and marriage being altered, I am beginning to understand.   Finding a traditional family is becoming more and more uncommon.  I had a dream recently that I felt could represent the growing trend.

In the dream, Craig and I were going to prom, something we had never done in real life.  The dance was going to be held in a high school, even though we weren’t actually high school students anymore.  I knew we were married in the dream because, as we walked hand in hand to the dance, I was telling him that I was just beginning to feel the baby’s first movements in my belly.  In the dream, I was pregnant but not yet showing.  It’s funny, but I remember exactly what we were wearing.  Craig looked handsome in his black tuxedo, and I was wearing a simple but elegant, long, emerald green dress.  I remember that the dress had three quarter sleeves and a high boat neckline.   I felt regal.  I knew, even in the dream, that my dress would not be considered trendy or fashionable at a high school dance these days, where short, sleeveless dresses are more in style.  Nonetheless, I had never felt so beautiful.  When we got to the gymnasium dance floor, I realized that over half the student body was treating the dance like a stomp instead of a formal event.  I saw many girls in tank tops, shorts and flip flops.  In addition, many people had come without a date and were attending stag.  The music was fast and loud, and many were dancing alone.  There were still others that were dressed up formally like we were, but there were so many doing the exact opposite that I wondered for a moment if I should feel out of place.  In the end, I decided that I didn’t care.  I liked being dressed up, I loved feeling so beautiful, and I was so excited to be there with my sweet husband.  I remember thinking that I was finally at a school dance where I knew I was completely in love with my date!

I feel, in some ways, that this silly little dream can represent how many people view marriage today.  So many are treating marriage casually, exemplified by the rising divorce rate, the number of people who cohabitate before marriage or instead of getting married, and the number of childless couples who are married, that our beliefs about abstaining from premarital sex and having children are being viewed as old-fashioned.  (See Time Magazine’s cover The Childfree Life: When having it all means not having children.)   I feel the fact that Craig and I were dressed up so formally could symbolize that our marriage resembles one that is more traditional.  We are certainly not alone in valuing traditional marriage, but there are so many with differing views that it is easy to wonder if we are the ones becoming the minority.

I am here to testify that traditional marriage is as important today as it ever was.  I feel so blessed to have a husband that does all in his power to provide for his family.  I feel so blessed to be a homemaker as I strive to raise children who know a loving Heavenly Father.  I feel so blessed to be able to use the Atonement of my Savior as I fall short of perfection every day.  I am grateful each day, for the opportunity to become a better person, a better wife, a better mother, and a better daughter of God.  

The following is a Mormon Message about fathers and how parenthood teaches us about the nature of our Heavenly Parents.  It is beautiful!

Putting Faith to the Test

As the oldest daughter in the Robinson family, I feel strongly that it is my turn to share my own story of conversion.  Though I always believed and hoped that the things that were taught in my home were true, it was during my junior and senior year in high school that I really put those beliefs and hopes to the test.

At that time, I was a shy, awkward teenager.  I did well scholastically, but not so much socially.  Many were nice to me and I had several acquaintances, but few close friends.  This fact resulted in my actually eating lunch in the classroom with my Spanish teacher and a few other social misfits during my senior year in high school.

I think my lack of social prowess and my perfectionist tendencies resulted in my focusing a lot on my school work.  Of course, as a perfectionist, I felt that something was wrong if I didn't have an "A" in every class.  Though I tried my best, I always had at least one class that caused me to not gain that perfect 4.0.  Usually, it was the easiest class in my schedule such as art or gym that kept me from obtaining my goal.

At this season of my life, there were about eight kids in the family.  My mother had my second youngest sister Audrie (number nine) when I was seventeen.  I remember my mom making regular trips to her mother's (my grandma's) home in Bountiful, Utah.  This was a thirty minute drive one way.  Sometimes my mother would stay in Bountiful for a while visiting with her mother and helping her with errands or she would bring Grandma Hazel to our home in South Jordan and do her best to keep Grandma happy while managing the house and us kids.  Later in the evening she would have to spend at least another hour taking Grandma back to Bountiful and returning back home again.  Since a few of us were rather young, I remember kids getting cranky as they traveled and trying to pacify them while my mother drove.  My mother loved my grandma, but I was witness to the stress she often felt as she tried to do her best to serve and felt like she was falling short.  My mother shared with me that she desperately wanted to have the peace that is promised in the scriptures to those who seek Him. 

At the suggestion of a friend, my mother determined that she would try a different approach to her prayers.  Instead of simply asking for the Lord to help her with her agenda, she began to ask what she could repent of, what she was prepared to learn and what the Lord wanted her to do that day and she wrote it down.  Her prayers were answered and I saw numerous miracles take place as she lay her burdens down at His feet.

One night, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed.  The honors and AP classes that I was in meant that I had a lot of homework, but not a lot of time to get it all done.  On one particular night, I remember the tears as I considered everything I thought that I needed to do, but thought that even if I stayed up all night, I would not be able to complete it all.  I pondered how my mother was able to get answers to her prayers and wondered, "If  the Lord will help her, will He do the same for me?"

I decided to find out.  I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father and asked him to forgive me and asked him for his help.  I gave my imperfect self to him.  The tears were replaced with peace.  A clear impression came to finish a simple task, but the biggest answer I received was that I should go to bed.  I did so.  The next day, things fell into place and I got clear impressions about what I should do.  I started to wonder if I had to wait until I was troubled and upset to get assistance from heaven.  I discovered that I did not.  I began starting each day with reading my scriptures and saying my prayers.  I prayed that the Lord would guide me and stopped worrying about what I thought I should do.  Instead, I asked for His Spirit to be with me and for His help in knowing what He wanted me to do. 

Miracles occurred.  The best blessing I received was joy.  I was so happy.  I learned that I didn't need to be popular, super smart or devastatingly beautiful to be happy.  I just needed Him.  The more I focused on the Lord and put Him first in my life, the better my life became.  Even when I was eating lunch with my Spanish teacher, I was happy.  When little things didn't go the way I had hoped, I was happy.  I discovered there was more to life than homework and I began to really let go and enjoy life.  I remember feeling impressions to go on walks with friends, go to the mall, watch a show on T.V. and I did so without guilt.  Often, I still did homework but it was no longer burdensome.  Instead, when I studied, my mind was clear and I remembered what I read.  I prayed for help with tests and homework and I got it. 

There were a few occurrences that stick out in my mind more than the rest.  Once, I remember having the prompting to not worry about a certain homework assignment.  I acted in faith and didn't do the assignment and did other things instead.  When I got to school the next day, the teacher informed the class that he had changed his mind about that assignment and it wasn't due that day after all.

Another time, I remembered getting to school late and missing first period.  It just so happened that report cards were handed out that day in first period class, so I went back to my first period teacher later in the day to get mine.  He remarked that he had taken note of my report card.  He said, "You got all A's and one A-."

I replied that I knew.  He said, "The A- was in my class."  I again replied that I was aware of that fact.

He went on to say that he didn't want me to have an A-.  If I would do a three page report for him, he would change my grade to an A even though the quarter had officially ended.  I did the report and he changed the grade.

The last experience I will relate took place the last day of class before Christmas break my senior year.  I had a calculus test that day.  I recall that there were work problems on the test and a total of about ten problems.  I started with number one and wasn't able to figure it out.  I went on to number two and couldn't do that one either.  I worked my way through the test and to my horror, I came to the realization that I wasn't able to finish a single problem.  It slowly dawned on me that if I didn't finish any problems that meant that I had failed the test.  It was with trepidation that I approached my teacher when time was up and I had to go on to my next class.  I asked him what I should do with my test since I hadn't finished it.  He said that I should turn it in and I would get credit for what I did do. 
 I replied, "But I didn't finish any of them."

He was silent for what seemed like an eternity.  Then he told me to throw my test away!  My heart sank.  Then he said, "Everyone will retake the test after Christmas break."

I was amazed.  Because I didn't know how to solve the problems, my teacher had every single one of his students retake that test after he retaught the concepts.  The second time I took the test, I got an A.

When the year was over, I remember the summer day when my final report card arrived.  I thought of the experiences I had that year and the peace and joy that had reigned in my heart. 
I knew that no matter what my report card looked like, I had already received more than I could have ever asked for as I had sought to turn my life over to the Savior.  However, the scripture found in Matthew 6:33 came to mind as I opened up the envelope, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  My report card was perfect.

The faith I exerted during my high school days and the results that followed became the foundation of my testimony.  I have never been able to doubt, even when subsequent, longer-lasting trials have come along, that if I place my faith and trust in God, I will be delivered and the rewards will come.  Even if I do not see the fruits of my faith until the next life, God is worthy of my trust.  I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost and His ability to impart personal revelation to me and all others who seek it.  If we seek Him, we shall find Him and be guided back to our eternal home to live with Him someday.

Jeanette Pulley 

Bryan found this article about a liberal professor whose life is completely changed as she tries to answer a few simple questions.

http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2013/january-february/my-train-wreck-conversion.html

This article demonstrates both honest inquiry and effective sharing of beliefs.  It also teaches of the power of the atonement and the role of faith in healing.  Finally, it establishes the vital roles of scripture reading and prayer as they relate to conversion.