An Ordinary Mormon Family: A love story

Bryan and I came from very different backgrounds. He came from a church going family with six children. His father was a bishop, (this is someone who has responsibility for a congregation of Latter-day Saint members called a ward in a certain neighborhood or city), for the majority of his growing up years. I came from an inactive family, (an inactive family consists of individuals who were once members of a Latter-day Saint ward, who have stopped attending church). I was raised as only child as as my only sibling, Carol Jeanne, got married when I was two and a half.

Carol Jeanne and John Ehlers with Vicki

Bryan's family seldom went out to dinner and we went out to dinner at least three times a week. My parents had a drink of alcohol with potato chips and dip at the end of the day and Bryan said he had potato chips on rare occasions. Despite the differences in upbringing, we both enjoyed our childhoods.

Bryan, center, with brothers Kirk and Kent

When I was around twelve years old, my sister shared a simple, but profound Christian doctrine, that changed my life forever. It was that there are commandments authored by God, that if complied with, bring forth blessings or positive consequences to one's life. She basically said, "If you want to enjoy a certain blessing, you must keep the law upon which that blessing is predicated or based". She gave me an example as she read to me the 58th chapter of Isaiah. She explained that there were sixteen specific blessings promised to those who kept the Law of the Sabbath which included, but were not limited to, some of the following: Verse 8: "Then shall thy light break forth as the morning, and thine health shall spring forth speedily. . . "Verse 9: "Then shalt thou call, and the Lord shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am." Verse 11: "And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones; and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters fail not". She told me that your light breaking forth as the morning meant that those who kept the Sabbath Day holy would be smarter and that several of these scriptures promised an increased ability to feel the guidance and influence of God in your life.

Well, I was determined to see if these biblical assertions were valid. I loved the thought of an unchangeable being who governed and blessed according to set laws, that he didn't capriciously bless and punish according to his whims of the moment. I was just a student in middle school and I was an average student. I decided to try to make my Sundays more holy and one thing I decided to avoid was doing homework on Sunday. I also began fasting as this chapter suggested and paid tithes and offerings. Much to my surprise, and the surprise of my fellow students, my grades improved dramatically. At the end of the very next quarter I had made the high honor roll. I didn't remember studying harder. Not only did my grades improve, but I began to feel guided in some of my choices in life. I recalled wondering if church attendance and affiliation were actually important to the Lord. I decided to read the Book of Mormon at this point as my sister was an active Latter-day Saint and had a strong conviction of its truthfulness. I knew one of two possibilities existed. Either the Book of Mormon was of divine origin or it wasn't, because of the claims by Joseph Smith. There was nothing in between. I read this book from cover to cover and prayed to know if it was true. As I prayed, I had never felt so simultaneously large and small. I felt a pulsating feeling of warmth and peace that I had not heretofore known. I had an answer, one that I could never deny and then came a postscript, a tangible thought to my mind: "And because it is true, you will attend church for the rest of your life." That was the rub. That was something that caused me great consternation. I didn't have friends in my ward boundaries. It seemed that I had two distinct peer groups: Good youth with strong values who sat with their parents and those who sat by each other at church, but did things they shouldn't do the rest of the week. I just didn't fit with either group. I was the embodiment of pure awkwardness and as such was an easy target for teasing and taunting, the worst of the tormenters among youth who attended my very ward. But, from that time forward, I went to church. I felt lonely a lot of the time and began to pray that one day I would be able to attend church surrounded by my own family. All I can say, is be careful what prayers you pray.

Vicki, age 12, with her mother and five nephews

I continued to read and study scriptures, as well as reading every church book I could get my hands on. I read the Bible, the Doctrine and Covenants, the Pearl of Great Price, the Doctrines of Salvation, Jesus the Christ, etc., etc., etc. I got what is called a Patriarchal Blessing. This is a blessing given by an ordained male patriarch who through inspiration places his hands upon your head and rehearses information that is peculiar to you, including but not limited to, the tribe of Israel you descend from. This blessing promised me, if I proved faithful, that I would marry, and that my husband would love me and sustain me in raising the "sons and daughters" reserved for our home. It also stated I would be blessed in securing a good education. I wanted to get that over with so I could go on to the "finding the right person to marry" course. I went school year-round and found myself a senior at age 19. I graduated when I was 20, but marriage wasn't for several years. I dated and dated, and somewhat grew in confidence, but I found it hard to imagine actually falling in love with someone and having that person love you in return. When I graduated from college receiving several scholastic honors, my mother's response was: "This really surprises me, you weren't particularly bright as a child, even slow to walk and talk." She was always very honest. I simply attribute my scholastic success to my desires to keep the law of the Sabbath. I determined to find and understand other gospel laws and blessings tied to those laws.

Vicki, center, while a student at the University of Utah

One night, after a day of teaching middle school students, I felt exhausted and was just excited to relax at home, in peace and quiet. I was a first year teacher and I had not mastered the art of discipline But that voice, the one that I was beginning to recognize as distinct from my own thinking, had something else in mind. I heard the words, "Go to Family Home Evening. The young man you are going to marry is there." Family Home Evening is something that Latter-day Saints are encouraged to hold each Monday night. It is a time to gather in uplifting activity or share a gospel lesson in an effort to strengthen families. We are encouraged to reserve that night for this purpose. Young adults, especially those in college and living away from home or in single's wards were divided into Family Home Evening groups by their ward leaders, so they can mingle with other single adults to maintain this tradition. Though this was a random thought that seemed to come out of nowhere, I considered that I made it up. I didn't care about meeting anyone new that night, it was very cold outside and I was very tired. Still, I couldn't be certain that this inspiration wasn't of the Lord, so I went. When I arrived at our Family Home Evening activity, I met a sea of single women and one solitary young man, our Family Father who was assigned to lead this group in mingling, socializing and gospel study. As he was the only young man in attendance, I thought to myself, "If this is an impression from the Lord, He certainly doesn't want me confused". I suppose the rest is history. I had met the man of my dreams that night.

Bryan, playing soccer

I think I dreamed of Bryan a few weeks prior. I had dreamed of a blond haired young man brought me home from a date and hugged me good night at the door. In the dream, I had an amazing realization. It was the hug that I never wanted to end. In my dream, I looked over his shoulder and saw the most beautiful array of stars in the sky above us. Suddenly, the stars rearranged themselves forming three words: "Heaven is pleased." That dream gave me hope that someday I would meet a young man and that heaven would approve of this match. Thirty seven years later, we are still companions, but oh! What a journey. We began a family unit on December 11, 1976.

Bryan and Vick's Wedding Announcement

Our willingness to consider that there is a plan for individuals and believing in the omniscience of God, has brought us to consider things we would never have considered. God knew that I needed both the blessings and trials that would be ours throughout our marriage. One of those things had to do with our having a baby in our old age. Had our youngest been born near her due date of January 7th, we would have had children in four different decades! However, she came early on December 21st thus we only had children in 3 decades. One of my favorite articles about the role of foreordination, agency and discipleship was written by Neal A. Maxwell, entitled "A More Determined Discipleship": https://www.lds.org/ensign/1979/02/a-more-determined-discipleship?lang=eng . This blog is about a husband an wife, their ten children and how a very ordinary and imperfect Mormon family attempts to live consecrated lives in a modern world.